I am taking a DEEP breath and letting go before I even start to write this.
The question has come up a lot across social media, twitter… Instagram… I avoided it because I felt it really needed a blog post to go along with it to lay everything out. So here goes.
What happened to David?
Yup- you are right he pretty much disappeared from my posts. No longer mentioned or pictured on my social media. You noticed… a few of you came out and asked and well the truth is- he’s gone- out of my life.
Ha… What didn’t happen? is the better question. But I will lay out the timeline for you:
June: The custody case crashed and burned. Colton couldn’t move to Florida so I moved back to Ohio in August and moved in with my mom. I continued to go back and forth between Florida and Ohio visiting David. The situation was supposed to be temporary so I just assumed we would continue with this until either Colton was able to move to Florida or David gave in and moved back to Ohio with us.
July: Right after Colton’s Birthday I found out I was pregnant (again).
August: I packed basic things in my car and drove up to Ohio and moved in with mom. The situation was supposed to be temporary- so Colton and I were in her room, on an air mattress and basically living out of suitcases and bins… it SUCKED to say the least.
September: Colton and I go down to visit David and have some family time. (Or so I thought) I get off the plane to nice message from one of his co workers letting me know he is cheating on me with someone he works with. I’ll be honest… I tried not to freak out. And had I not been pregnant and had all those raging pregnancy hormones oh and about 10 minutes from the time I got the message until I had to see him- I probably would have been able to hide my shock better.
It was just a few months earlier he proposed to me… put a ring on my finger and said he wanted to get married… ya well according to the mistress he was seeing her when he proposed… Oh and when he got me pregnant not once, but twice… YUP. THAT Happened.
CRASH AND BURNED.
My whole world fell apart that night.
I kid you not… Crash and Burned… and took everything in me to keep it together on a daily basis.
Worst Nightmare… came to life
World… Crashed and Burned.
September-November… the Yo Yo… Basically this was the period of :we are going to work things out: … Kind of. We went back and forth on this. Had some good conversations- some great days. I was still going back and forth to visit with him (without Colton). We went out on dates. But it was so back and forth- one day things were great… the next he wanted me to date someone else. That was his thing through this whole period… he wanted me to date someone else. Ya… weird… I know.. but I learned through this whole thing he was pretty much off his rocker so these weird things were no surprise after I looked back and put the puzzle together.
I would say the Yo Yo was about the worst part of this whole thing. Not knowing… not being prepared for everything. Not knowing where I was going to live. Not knowing where I was going to have this baby. Not knowing if he was even going to be around. It was a whole world of unknown.
December: Realization. Realization that he was crazy and had so many issues that I didn’t want to work things out any more. Realization that he didn’t contain the ability to be faithful to me… to the new girl… to anyone. We still talked in the beginning of December because I remember him texting me from a date with one of his girls he was seeing and I remember him texting me pictures from the mall of Millenia because it was decorated for Christmas.
I know I talked to him after I fell down the steps because I texted him ultra sound pictures… that was near Christmas because I remember freaking out that I wasn’t done shopping but was stuck in the hospital. And then we talked a little in January after my step-dad passed.
And that was all she wrote. At that point I knew it was over. I had the majority of my stuff from FL. And we were done. He didn’t call or text when Caleb was born… and lets face it- I put myself out there so it only would have taken a quick peek at my Facebook Fan Page, Instagram or Twitter to know he was born. And I was okay with that.
It is better this way. I am able to be a better mom, and he is able to grow up without being torn across the country and dealing with two families. He will have a better life and it truly it best this way.
As for the little baby boy. He is perfect. I had all these horrible feelings about being pregnant- I was horrified I was going to be a single mom again. I was scared. I was worried that I wouldn’t love him. The moment he was born and they put him on my chest all those feelings went away. This baby needed me. We instantly bonded and I can say we have a bond that I can not describe. He is perfect. He is beautiful. He is the exact baby that our little family needed and the moment he was born my heart doubled in size because I instantly loved him more than life itself.
As for Colton… that is the toughest part. Explaining to him that David and I were no longer going to be together was about one of the most heart wrenching things I ever had to do. I have only seen my child cry real tears of sadness once… and this was it. He was heart broken. He loved David. They were buddies. At first I told him that he and Dave could still be friends and he talked to him on occasion. But that slowed and when I stopped talking to David… so did Colton.
He still asks about him. He still talks about him. He still talks about going to Florida and getting on a plane to get there. He still talks about his house in Florida. He still misses David. It sucks.
Oh and he is still coming around to the big brother thing. It gets better every day, for all of us.
Where we are now: We are living with mom in the house I grew up in. Colton is actually in my old room, which is kind of cool. Caleb and I share a room… which is inevitable because he won’t even sleep across the room in his crib. Don’t worry.. he’s not in my bed, mom got me a bedside sleeper that he sleeps in.
I don’t see us moving out anytime soon. And I can’t imagine going to work and leaving this little baby at home so we are going to stay here for a little while. For me, for Caleb, for Colton.. and for mom- because she doesn’t want to be alone after losing her husband.
I hope this answers all the questions that have been asked… I tried to not dump all my emotion into this and considering this was a series of events over several months, in order to keep this post under 5000 words I gave you the :in a nut shell, this is what happened: version.